In light of the Sony Pictures hack; An Open letter to The NSA and North Koreans

Hi guys,

I guess you’ve already read this while I was typing it, but just to cover my butt, I am posting it here to make it even easier for you to scrape, scan, monitor or scrub.

I just want to say, “Yeah that was me, you know, the guy who is researching the weak-spots in hulls of US Naval submarines. Oh, and yeah it was me who was looking up the proper salutation for a Sheik who is also a rich European playboy. Um, and I was also the one who was trying to find the nodal points of the Super-Collider at Cern. Yeah, that was me, looking up the Berretta .25 cal., a gun small enough to fit in a bra. And yes, truth be known, I was a guy that looked up psychological profiles of female FBI agents. And those are my fingerprints all over the map of Camp David. Don’t be alarmed but it was just me researching shark attacks in open water and the survival skills course at Quantico. And… you know that person that was reviewing presidential protocol within the White House – me again. Also my bad for the searching into, Louboutin boots, The great Cathedral at Paris, assassination attempts on the Pope, Nuclear containment crucibles, rogue black market Russian Generals, the French Riviera, murders at European night clubs and top secret medals given for extreme bravery.”

Look NSA guys, I can save you a lot of trouble, just go to my computer, where you already have been, and hack into the manuscript for my upcoming book, The God Particle, and you’ll see how all of these things are just plot elements in my exciting new thriller. Or save yourself the trouble and just buy a copy it came out on June 17th when The God Particle hit the shelves (also available on Amazon and B&N so you can swipe it from there)

So… we’re cool, right?

Tom Avitabile
Name and address withheld because you already know it.